This recap that you aren’t reading — Because why would you want to relive that travesty? The “game” was pathetic. The effort was worse. And hey, the Saints have a playoff game Sunday afternoon. — could be solely this clip with the brief description, “The Pelicans are Jim Halpert. Trying to do the things necessary to win a basketball game is Michael Scott.”
There’s a reason Jim doesn’t want us to review this tape.
This “contest” started with a banked-in three-pointer from Jimmy Butler, and every loose ball then bounced perfectly for the Timberwolves for the entirety of the night, like a karaoke video bouncing orb spelling out every heart-felt belted out lyric to the entire Pat Benatar songbook sung from a middle-aged divorced woman with one foot on chair, one hand gripping a hot bottle of sake and the other wrapped around the mic with the reverb turned all the way up.
That’s not to say that the culprit in this game was the horseshoes smuggled in the buttocks of the Timberwolves’ players — though there were a few of those kinds of very lucky bounces — loose balls go to the team that plays with the most effort — or in this case, any effort. While most animals are cute when they are lazy, Pelicans are just infuriating when they, “can’t even.”
Here’s what that diarrhea casserole looks like.
KARL-ANTHONY TOWNS FLYIN’ IN OUTTA NOWHERE ✈️ (via @timberwolves) pic.twitter.com/qVuM8kv0sb— SLAM Magazine (@SLAMonline) January 7, 2018
Perfect example of the Pelicans effort level -- Jimmy Butler just waltzed right down Broadway for an uncontested lay-in. #embarrassing pic.twitter.com/xWGbIhhbe9— Oleh Kosel (@OlehKosel) January 7, 2018
Are we sure Anthony Davis is awake? pic.twitter.com/558ssAPS1v— Oleh Kosel (@OlehKosel) January 7, 2018
If the Pelicans efforts on the glass and on defense were a major motion picture they would be, “Weekend at Bernie’s” — except it would be one living person trying to animate four dead bodies.
DeMarcus Cousins was the only player that had any significant effort for any significant stretch in this dark comedy.
Boogie stuffed Wiggins at the rim and had a very nice possession off the block.— Andrew Smith (@DruProductions) January 7, 2018
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Do you really want the blow by blow (emphasis on the blow by as the Wolves continually strolled through the Pels’ defense)?
Immediately following that Butler banked-in three, Jrue Holiday turns the ball over resulting in a Wiggins and-1 opportunity on the transition bucket. The turnover was completely unforced — he’d have two more early in the first of the same variety.
Four turnovers for the #Pelicans already in the first quarter and three come by way of Jrue Holiday.— Trevor Ritchie (@ritchietmr) January 7, 2018
The #Pelicans turnover issues are very real and rarely forced. pic.twitter.com/8YW8EyhZ5R— Scott Kushner (@ScottDKushner) January 7, 2018
Unlike the Pelicans, Minnesota took advantage of their size, and Wiggins was pushing around Moore early on the block drawing double teams — one that resulted into a kick out to a wide open Karl-Anthony Towns for a three. In fairness, early on we did see some nice ball movement from New Orleans, but the perimeter shot would not fall for anyone.
What. A. Pass. @Jrue_Holiday11 making it look easy. #DoItBIG— FOXSports NewOrleans (@FOXSportsNOLA) January 7, 2018
Stream the action on #FOXSportsGO: https://t.co/K2TwrjtJaw pic.twitter.com/E2aBxzSKS8
New Orleans is 11-of-27 from the field, 1-of-9 on 3s— Will Guillory (@WillGuillory) January 7, 2018
Boogie was kind of keeping the Pelicans in the game early by getting fouled at the rim and converting the free throws — though the flatness we’ve seen so many times before kept looming over our heads like chemtrails in Alex Jones’ sky.
It is inexplicable how often these guys point to their lack of first half energy as the source of frustration and then routinely show up with no energy in the first half.— Scott Kushner (@ScottDKushner) January 7, 2018
I don’t understand the entitlement. At all.
Remarkable how a professional basketball team can play an entire game without any effort.— Preston Ellis (@PrestonEllis) January 7, 2018
The Pels always talk about how they need to improve their energy but the results just aren't there. There's no excuse for how often this happens to them in early in games— Will Guillory (@WillGuillory) January 7, 2018
Any semblance of first quarter effort and ball movement was quickly eaten up and destroyed like 8mm film caught in the projector as the second quarter began. It was more of the same from the flat Pelicans — no one defended, no one chased rebounds, no one boxed out, turnovers continued, and I’m growing tired of watching teams kill us in the pick-and-roll while we rarely use the pick-and-roll in our own offense despite having one of the best roll men in the league.
The New Orleans Pelicans pic.twitter.com/TqWkW1h0mF— Duncan Smith (@DuncanSmithNBA) January 2, 2018
I hate these AD midrange mildly contested jumpers. They match his current energy.— Kevin Barrios (@kevinbforbounce) January 7, 2018
The half would mercifully end — meaning we would get some respite from this completely emotionless basketball we were forcing ourselves to watch — with the Pelicans down 21 points while giving up 69 points to the Wolves. Giving up that many points in a half is getting as tired as the frat boys tweeting, “nice” every time it happens.
During the week leading up to this disaster, The Advocate’s Scott Kushner penned a scathing and accurate and fair take-down of this teams inability to give the fans of New Orleans what they deserve and to build any kind of real emotional connection with the city.
Column: #Pelicans fans deserve better than this. And they should demand it. https://t.co/QNJal9ntCu— Scott Kushner (@ScottDKushner) January 2, 2018
Let’s take a pause to check the pulse of the fan base.
Annnnd I’m done watching the pels tonight. Sad sad sad effort— Ryan Hebert (@RyanHebert89) January 7, 2018
Gonna finish watching black mirror or travelers instead— Ryan Hebert (@RyanHebert89) January 7, 2018
I'm going play Overwatch. Someone let me know if Pels show up in second half.— Will (@Will_NOLA) January 7, 2018
Lifelong pels fan here and the effort from the @PelicansNBA has me looking for new hobbies...why did I waste my time?— #peLicans (@phelpsalot) January 7, 2018
I’m so ashamed the amount of time and $$$ I have invested in the Hornets/Pelicans the last 7 years.— Adam Jude Ganci (@adam_ganci) January 7, 2018
Can we trade the Pelicans to Seattle?— Evan B (504Dug) (@504Dug) January 7, 2018
Those that stuck around got into a more interesting and impassioned debate over who is to blame for the “performance” we were witnessing.
The battle over who is to blame for the never ending pasta bowl of lethargy is more energetic and thrilling than the basketball game. https://t.co/ibb1RAYOQl— Kevin Barrios (@kevinbforbounce) January 7, 2018
In almost any situation where I read things about effort...coaches or leadership are fired https://t.co/VqE5Q7S8ZM— #peLicans (@phelpsalot) January 7, 2018
The whole "Coaches don't effect players energy" is such BULL SHIT. Thibs does not tolerate players lacking energy. The difference between the energy levels each coach demands is on full display tonight. Fucking sad.— Austin Rivers 2 Pelicans Fan Club (@PelicansTakes) January 7, 2018
Undoubtedly, Alvin Gentry will be the first to take the fall. His job performance hinges on results and results like these are embarrassing.— Scott Kushner (@ScottDKushner) January 7, 2018
I’m simply saying the individual issue of effort or energy goes beyond him. It’s a systemic problem. His removal alone won’t fix it. https://t.co/IZZikKnKMl
I stopped hoping Demps would fire Gentry and started hoping @OlehKosel would fire me.— Kevin Barrios (@kevinbforbounce) January 7, 2018
Do you want me to keep talking about the game? Because Gorgui Dieng — yeah, that Gorgui Deng — would hit two wide open corner threes. Anthony Davis would continue to settle for midrange contested jumpers instead of trying to drive to the rim. Darius Miller would eventually get going from deep and there was a brief moment of energy in a Boogie + bench lineup, but none of it would matter. The Pelicans had defecated the bed long ago and their was an empty #23 jersey sleep walking around the court like a tumbleweed of toilet paper covered in that defecation.
AD is sleep walking— Kumar (@FearTheBrown) January 7, 2018
Meanwhile, despite being up by 30 for a substantial amount of time, Minnesota’s effort never wavered. You could still hear Tom Thibodeau barking from the sidelines — even picking up a technical foul when he though Cousins should have gotten an offensive 3-second call.
Boogie and bench lineup finally shows some energy and effort and heart to create a layup then Thibs one-ups their heart with a tech cause he still cares more despite being up 27.— Kevin Barrios (@kevinbforbounce) January 7, 2018
It was so disheartening that even the kindest members of Pelicans’ Twitter were digging deep from any positives to take away from the game.
The digging in the sofa cushions for spare change of looking for positives in this game. I feel you. https://t.co/8pP9okmDHb— Kevin Barrios (@kevinbforbounce) January 7, 2018
However, even Andrew couldn’t remain positive.
Why did I watch that entire game?— Andrew Smith (@DruProductions) January 7, 2018
I was invited to watch jello wrestling at a dive bar on St. Bernard Ave that sells frozen dark and stormys. Instead, I watched the game and wrote this. We all could have done better things with our evenings. Like Scott Kushner said — we deserve better.
Here’s some numbers for you, but they don’t matter. Just know that a severe lack of effort against an opponent the Pelicans have lost to twice before tonight in close heated battles was once again the reason this team lost another game — one there was no excuse for not being up for.
The @Timberwolves had 6 players score in double figures and beat the @PelicansNBA 116-98 at home!— NBA (@NBA) January 7, 2018
KAT: 21 PTS, 16 REB
Butler: 21 PTS, 8 AST, 7 REB
Wiggins: 20 PTS, 8 REB
Cousins: 23 PTS, 15 REB, 5 AST#AllEyesNorth pic.twitter.com/5gtiFzeOwm
I can’t believe any of us made it this far. Hey Airline Drive, here’s our current mindset.