New Orleans Pelicans ripped, shredded and spit out by Brooklyn Nets, 143-114

I mean, really, what am I supposed to write about that?

Coming into tonight, the Pelicans were welcoming in the lowly Brooklyn Nets. A team that had lost 11 consecutive games and 16 of their last 17. A team that, until tonight, hadn’t won a game since the day after Christmas. A team that the Pelicans beat in Brooklyn a little over a week ago without Anthony Davis.

Tonight, that very same team kicked the Pelicans’ butts.

Believe it or not, the Pelicans actually had a three point lead at the end of the first quarter. Anthony Davis had 10 points after the opening frame, Terrence Jones hit a shot at the buzzer and everything felt like the Pelicans would be on their way to back-to-back wins.

Then, we found out there’s a sizable difference in “felt like” and “actuality.”

It felt like New Orleans was going to protect homecourt against a Brooklyn team that was 1-18 on the road coming into tonight’s game. In actuality the Nets rebounded and proceeded to reign unholy fire on the Pelicans and outscored New Orleans by 32 the rest of the way home.

You don’t score 143 points unless everyone chips in and that’s exactly what happened for Brooklyn. Brook Lopez and Bojan Bogdanovic each scored 23 points. Rookie Caris LeVert (great basketball name by the way) had 17 off the bench. Even old man Luis Scola managed to get in on the action with 14 points in, wait for it... eight minutes. He’s 37!

As a team, Brooklyn was cooking all night long from the floor. The Nets shot 59 percent from the floor, hit 15 threes and got to the line 35 times, making 31 of them. That 143 point total, by the way, was the second most points allowed in franchise history.

Good job fellas, way to let the Nets almost make history but not quite. No one scores greater than 144 points on this team! No sir! God I hate them.

Everyone on the Pelicans sucked tonight in some capacity. The players sucked. Anthony Davis caught a knee to the leg and has a right quad bruise which sucks. The coaching sucked. Hell this recap probably sucks too. And to those of you who say “Oh Zach stop, you’re being overreactive” I present to you this quote from Alvin Gentry who, might I remind you, sucks:

Well said, Coach. You do suck. So much so I can’t find merely one reference to voice my disdain so here’s three:

Oh yeah that’s the stuff.

One more time for the people in the back!

As an added bonus, here’s a song by Reel Big Fish titled “Everything Sucks.” Fun fact: this song was released in 1995, but it was actually about this Pelicans game tonight.

True story.

The Pelicans will have the weekend off — although Alvin Gentry promises tomorrow will be hell in practice — before continuing their six-game homestand with *glances at schedule* oh great: Cleveland, Oklahoma City, San Antonio and Washington.

Awesome.

I’m sure if the Pelicans can give up 143 to the Nets, who have one fewer win than I do fingers, then the Cavs, Thunder, Spurs and Wizards are going to combine to score approximately 60,000 points.

Go team.