"I'm glad this is all coming together so quickly."
"The team should be all yours by 2014! If you're interested, I could probably get you a free copy of my book, How to Own an NBA Team. Or the smash hit sequel, How Not to Own an NBA Team."
"Lame. All right. Stay in touch."
"Hey Gary. Me and Hugh were thinking about getting some beignets while watching Treme while listening to some jazz while riding a street car. You in?"
"No not really. I was thinking about hiring a new coach."
"Then again, promoting Aaron Gray to head coach would work better than whatever the hell this year's set up was."
/Avery Johnson walks in
"Hey Guys! So is this job mine or what!"
"Speak of the devil."
"Ain't 2014 yet, fellas."
"Not sure what's going on here. But I'm glad y'all decided so quick. Can't spell NOLA without Avery."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Don't worry, I'm going to offer you my hometown discount. I'll settle for being coach and GM, nothing more."
"Umm. We... we'll call you."
"Oh, hold up, HOLD up. Getting a call. Oh hey Steve Belkin, Governor of the Atlanta Hawks ownership group! What's that? You just fired Mike Woodson? Six years with an option for the seventh? Let me call you right back."
"Avery. We, really have to go."
/fly to Boston
"Mr. Thibodeau. A pleasure."
"HEY GUYS I DON"T HAVE MUCH TIME BUT VERY GLAD YOU COULD FLY UP TO MEET ME WE ARE PLAYING THE ORLANDO MAGICS NEXT"
"Been watching, and I must say Mr. Chouest and myself have been very impressed."
"HA HA HA HA WAIT ONE SECOND EXCUSE ME FELLOSE HEY GLEN YOU KNOW I CAN SEE YOU RIGHT PUT THE CANDY DOWN YOU FAT @#$ *#(%$#%^$@&"
"OH THANX I GET SO SWEATY SOMETIMES"
"I WILL SAY THIS GIVE ME THE JOB AND YOUR DEFENSE WILL DESTROY WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND DUMP TRUCKS"
"Chris would love this guy."
/Mark Jackson enters
"You wanted to see me?"
"No not really but have a seat"
"So what makes you think you're qualified to be a head coach without coaching before at any level, ever"
"I'm give you some Grown Man Moves"
"They'll be all Momma There Goes That Man"
"Oookay. That's a wrap. We'd normally say something like "expect a call later" but in this case, no, please do not expect anything of the sort."
"You're Better Than That!"
"Let's get out of here I think I just saw Reggie Miller."
/the next morning
"Look I know I'm your 7th interview and I know this thing can be a circus at times."
"Tell me about it."
"I really don't care what number I am on your list. If you hire me, I'm just going to get in, get the job done, and that's it."
/a week later
"Gentlemen. We've convened here today to postulate on the relative merits of our next coach. Your findings, if you would."
"I liked Avery Johnson a lot. Until we met him."
"Dwane Casey and Ty Corbin could be good fall backs."
"And Jeff Van Gundy is super overrated anyways."
"I say we go after Thibs or Williams."
"Collection! Ha ha! You got owned Chris!"
"Anyways. I like Monty. The de facto authority on Hornets analysis, At the Hive, said last week "The division between the "player's coach" and the "hard-ass coach" has long been a distinct one. Byron Scott seemed to find that line with Chris Paul though, and that duality could prove to be a key element the Hornets seek in CP's next coach. Williams undoubtedly has it." "
"Personally I think At the Hive kinda sucks. They thought Tim Floyd was gonna be good."
"Ha ha ha ha" /High five!
"Yeah, we're gonna go a different direction. Tom Thibodeau's our guy."
"He could live in Thibodaux. That's kinda cool I guess."
/a few days later
/ring ring ring
"HEY 504 IS THAT YOU JEFF DID YOU HEAR WE'RE GOING TO BEAT THE THE MAGICS"
"Yup. Hey listen, Tom, we've decided to offer you the job."
"SERIOUSLY THAT IS AWESOME I'LL LET YOU KNOW BY TOMORROW MORNING BUT MOST PROBABLY YES I LOVE IT"
"Cool. We'd appreciate if you don't tell anyone."
"HEY ESPN YAHOO BLEACHER REPORT NEW ORLEANS GAVE ME THEIR JOB AND NO GLENN I AM NOT GIVING YOU FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS TO STUFF IN A CEILING AGAIN DAMMIT"
/later that night
"Any information should be considered rumor or unauthorized and unreliable information."
/back in boston
"Heyyyy there Tommy. Wes. Worldwide Wes"
"You may have heard of my two friends, LeBron James... and Benjamin Franklin?"
"I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU DO BUT YOU ARE SOO COOL"
/a week later, Thibodeau and Wesley are in Los Angeles
"Don't pick that up we all know who it is hahaha"
/goes to voicemail
"Tom. It's Jeff again. Really wish you'd answer my calls."
"Listen, we're setting a deadline. Tomorrow by 6 PM or we're going a different direction."
"Why sip on Chris Paul when you can sip on cristal?"
"WES WHAT IF CHICAGO DOESNT WANT ME THOUGH"
"WHO IS IT WHO IS IT"
"It's me, John Paxson"
"Monty, calling to offer you the job. Mr. Chouest's on here too. If it's any consolation, CP wanted you, but you weren't the first choice no offense"
"Say, when you get down here, wondering if you wanted to listen to some jazz on a street car with me while watching Treme and eating beignets?"